A Habitual Hazard

The lovely Marissa Meyer blogged about her writing/revision habits and I thought it'd be interesting to consider some of mine.

Clothing
- I don't usually wear special~ things when I write, but I do prefer being in pajamas. There's something comforting about the feel of worn old PJs that helps me remember to just write and not think about the implications or the results too much.

- I usually write at home, so I'm almost always in ratty t-shirts and shorts.

- When I go out to cafes, I prefer jeans and t-shirts and my favorite blue Chucks.

Food and Drink

- I like having at least one piece of chocolate around my desk for when I get stressed out.

- There are these amazing soft breadsticks that I found at the grocery store and I'm completely addicted to them. I feel like I'm going to go through withdrawal symptoms when I move to Canada, I love them that much.

- I usually drink water (no coffee unless it's a Starbucks light mocha frappuccino), but when deadlines come around, you'll find that I drink at least one Sprite a day. I KNOW, I KNOW, it's a horrible habit. But it calms me down more than any other drink.

Location

- I mostly write at home, at my study desk. I used to write on my bed (well okay, last year, my desk was connected to my bed so I was always there), but lately, the temptation to sleep is overwhelmingly strong so I don't do that anymore.

- Living along Katipunan Avenue is great, because there are a bunch of cafes where I can hang out and write in. I prefer the smaller Starbucks next to the grocery store because there are less people that I know (well okay, this USED to be the case) and it's quieter. When I need internet for research, I go to either Kenny Roger's/Seattle's Best Coffee or this new place called Eat! that not many people know about.

Miscellaneous

- I tend to have playlists for every story I'm writing. They help get me in the mood to write, and inspire the rest of the piece. For example, the YA novel I'm working on now, The M&M Conundrum is written to this playlist:

Nerdfighterlike- Hank Green and Katherine Green
So Nice, So Smart - Kimya Dawson
Paper Cuts - Boy Least Likely To
Hey Molly - Mike Lombardo
Tech Romance - Her Space Holiday
Good Weekend - Art Brut
Computer Camp Love - Datarock
Chemical Love - Charlie McDonnell
The NaNoWriMo Song - ALL CAPS
Here Comes My Baby - Sons of Admirals
More Than Alive - ALL CAPS
WWW Girl - Kristina Horner
Do You Like Me - ALL CAPS
Strange Charm - Hank Green
Science vs. Romance - Rilo Kiley
She Blinded Me with Science - Thomas Dolby
For You To Notice - Dashboard Confessional
Falling for the First Time - Barenaked Ladies
Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches
Indigo - Tom Milsom
If You Wanna...I Might - hellogoodbye
Nerdfighteria Island - Hank Green
Play Three Again - Backseat Goodbye

- I can't write for more than an hour straight. I always have to get up in the middle of it and take a walk or read or dance.

- I have this awful habit of pulling on my hair when I'm stressed out. It's pretty long now (almost halfway down my back) so I end up playing with it a lot.


So those are my writing habits--what are some of yours?

--

There are only 3 weeks left in the semester. I gave myself a paper cut yesterday printing out various essays I had to write for one class. I feel like this is an accurate metaphor for my life right now. Also, this gif:

Running Revisions

In case you didn't know, I'm a creative writing major in my last semester of university. If I were asked for a word that defines this time in my life, it would be REVISION. I'm editing everything in my life, choosing what lessons to keep and what to throw away, solidifying the characters I've grown to love and picking off the ones that bog me down. People who I thought were friends have proven their true colours, and things I thought I knew turn out to be something completely different. As a writer, it's difficult to separate the way I view life and the way I conceptualize my stories.

Revision is a key element of the writing process. Tom Jenks goes so far as to claim that "in essence, writing is revision." Any writer that has tried to get their work published knows the frustration and confusion brought on by the need for revision. How does one know what to change? But I really like this line--do I have to take it out just so I can feel like I've done something to the piece? How do you know when you're done revising and the piece is as good as it can be? The answer: you don't.

Maureen Johnson wrote a blog about the process of revision that she follows, and I typed out her four guidelines onto a sticky-note on my desktop. They've been useful questions to ask and rules to follow when I work on my stories, but as my senior year has gone on, I find that I've begun to apply the same rules and questions to my own life.

1) How much time do I have?

When you're staring down the barrel of a gun named Graduation, it can be difficult to actually enjoy the fact that it's your last year of university. Instead of looking forward to freedom, I've sunk into reminiscing over junior year and the way January 2010 was nothing but relaxed reading and trips with my family. These days, even the new Trenta size that Starbucks offers is tempting. One all-nighter in two weeks? Try three consecutive nights without a wink, and follow that up with two midterm exams and you have my last week in December.

I mark down the days left until finals (34, to be exact), and the number immediately sends my shoulders slumping in dismay. Just over a month to get my life into order and prove that I'm worthy of the cap and gown I've been dreaming of for six long years.

There can be no room for fear, not to mention time. When I revise, the deadline always looms near, pushing me to buckle down and be more ruthless and objective. With only one week left in January, there's no accounting for cowardice or laziness. It's now or October, and I've made too many plans for the HP premiere in July to fail now. Revision, whether in life or on the page, is always marked by time. You should already know your characters well enough to understand how they work and how your words help or hinder them. You should already know the habits that break your stride and the things that keep you going.

2) What is the most broken thing [about the story]?

The second story I wrote for my first fiction workshop was a love story set in the Salem Witch Trials. I was so proud because I'd managed to put in a twist no one expected: the boy would be the one to hang the girl who loved him. The reviews of my story were generally positive, except that each and every classmate wanted to know more about Thomas. Who was he? How did he fall in love with Hope? Why didn't he do anything to save her, if he really loved her? Suddenly, there was a big, Thomas-shaped question mark in a story that I thought said all it had to say.

The experience taught me that there is always at least one big thing that is broken in any story that a writer creates. It may be something that simply stirs the reader's curiousity or a huge gaping smoking hole that needs a good dousing by the author. Whatever it is, the author has a responsibility to the story to find that broken piece and transform it. Similarly, knowing your priorities is extremely important in life. These days, I find that my friends and batchmates are torn between living it up during the last three months of being a senior and getting to work on all the crazy deadlines that haunt our every night. For some of us, the struggle won't end in a diploma. But the obligation is there to fix up the broken parts of our lives and present a shinier work-in-progress on that stage.

3) Don't be afraid to edit big.

I love creating characters. Ever since I was a child, I loved to pick out names from baby books and imagine what kind of people they'd belong to, whether a Jonathan would be kind or a Bianca ditzy. Creating characters like the ones that occupy my thesis now are part of the reasons why writing is part of my nature. People are fascinating to me.

That said, it's understandable that I'm pained every time I have to set a character aside in the interest of improving the story. NaNoWriMo writers joke about adding a new character or killing one when things get slow and tedious. In revision, the joke isn't as funny. Writers strive for an organic unity in the story, and the characters one includes can either help build that unity or break it down. When they do the latter, removing them from the story can make more sense. Sometimes it's just necessary to leave a favorite character behind to give the story more room to breathe.

We all have those people in our lives. We may have known them for years or just a few months, but sooner or later, it becomes clear that there's just nothing there anymore. Sometimes the need for separation, for an editing of one's friends or acquaintances, is clearer, like when they've done something to hurt us or damaged us in some way. Sometimes it's a quieter realization. But it's a trial everyone goes through. Graduation means that, in all likelihood, we may never see each other again. Who is truly important to us and who can we do without?

4) Things are never as hopeless as you may think.

After the all-nighters and the hair-pulling and the stomach-clenching and the tears, sometimes it's easy to forget that there will be something worthwhile in the end. A story may seem impossibly difficult to edit properly. Classes with a difficult professor may seem endless. Life may seem like a laughing jester, delighting in one's torment. But you've lived and written and worked this long. So maybe it'll never be perfect. What's one more push in the grand scheme of things? For this girl, it's everything.

--

2 days to social theology immersion.

14 days to the Fine Arts Festival Book Launch.

20 days to the thesis presentation.

34 days to final exams.

72 days to my flight back to Toronto.

In Noctem

Six days ago, I woke up at 7:30 a.m. to pick up my graduation photos. I hadn't seen them since September, as I'd chosen to focus on actually making the photos reality. I knew they were going to be photoshopped, but I didn't know to what extent.

The first photo is much more noticeably altered than the second one. Thankfully, I still look like myself. Some of my classmates and friends are dealing with photos that look absolutely nothing like them, and as we're expected to attach these photos to our resumes.

My mother e-mailed last night asking me if I was planning on pursuing further studies in Toronto. I took a look at the continuing education programs at the University of Toronto and Ryerson this morning, and while some of the classes are appealing (Ryerson's Publishing Certificate sounds lovely), I don't know if I'm up for another two or three years of school.

I'll definitely be working as soon as I can find a job, and I really want to finish M&M Conundrum, revise it and start sending it out to agents before November. Half of me wants to take a break from all things academic, seeing as it hasn't exactly been working out very well lately. The other half is terrified that if I let this opportunity pass, then I may have an even more difficult time starting my career.

I'm lucky in that I have the option to take a break in between graduation and working. Actually, I might not even have a choice, as finding a job is not as easy as it sounds. It took my parents five months to find work in Toronto and that was with decades of experience. As much as I may dread buckling down and joining the real world, I know for sure that I don't want to have the uncertainty of unemployment looming over my head forever.

Growing up is a strange experiment in keeping one's sanity. All the things that you never concerned yourself with as a child now cloud your brain and keep you awake at night. The morning was undesirable enough when all you had to think about was school, but now there are errands to run and appointments to make and people to interact with on a daily basis. There are decisions to be made that burn bridges and end parts of our lives, and the scariest thing is that we have no one to blame but ourselves.

I read dystopian fiction and it freaks me out a little bit how sometimes, I see the appeal of having things chosen for you by someone else. In the middle of all this uncertainty, I can understand why Jonas' friends and family in The Giver could enjoy not having to think for themselves, having their careers chosen for them and fitting them perfectly. I think of Matched and the way everyone is secure in their lives. In my darkest hours, sometimes I wish I could feel that surety, whether or not it's from my own choices or someone else's.

If I only knew how complicated being an adult would be, I would never have wished for it so much as a kid.

--

Countdowns:

5 days to social theology immersion.

17 days to the Fine Arts Festival Book Launch.

23 days to the thesis presentation.

37 days to final exams.

75 days to my flight back to Toronto.

Dreams, Disco and Duckie

2011 seems to like me quite a bit so far. Last night, I had a wonderful dream in which Darren Criss asked me to elope with him two years into the future. 24-year-old Angel, in her infinite wisdom and grace, accepted and we celebrated with a cake baked by our mothers. If there was ever a time to wish for psychic abilities, this would be it.

--

I've spent the last week-and-a-half of vacation at my aunt's house in Bulacan. The house is brighter and more colorful than any other place I've ever lived in, with orange walls, gold curtains, tangerine gates and a green roof. There are times when I am actually blinded by the sunshine reflecting off the walls. The new couch covers that my aunt ordered look like they were stolen right out of an Austin Powers movie. I'm afraid to sit on the cushions--the pressure might cause a disco ball to descend from the ceiling.

It's a strange place to live in, mostly because it doesn't seem to reflect much of the family that it houses. The exuberance of the colors are blunt in a way that my aunt rarely expresses herself, though she chose them. My cousin, her only child, prefers to lie in bed all day and watch television. They are a quiet family and yet their house is an indelible presence on the street. Maybe they're onto something after all.

--

Meet Duckie, my new planner:

It's the smallest planner I've ever owned, and quite frankly, the cutest. I'm trying to cut down on unnecessary junk in my bag and the hardcover planners I've used over the last three years were unwieldy. Duckie is small, flexible and holds just enough space to keep me organized. The cash flow notepages aren't so bad either. When I see my list of things to do on Duckie's smooth pages, they don't seem so scary. Kudos, Duckie.

Songs played: 54
Tweets sent: 25

Nouvelle Annee, Nouvelle Ange

January 1, 2011 9:14 a.m.

It's the first day of the year. I woke up no less than six times last night, a sick clenching in my stomach from the thought of the next three months. I bought a planner yesterday so that I could feel just a little sense of control over the 90 days that loom ahead of me, but I shake a little bit every time I see it. Bottom line? I'm scared out of my wits.

It's only hitting me now that this is it. The last 90 days of my education, where everything is on the line. Graduation is on March 26. My return flight to Canada is scheduled for April 1. Whether I like it or not, the next two months are going to make my life.

Part of me knows I can do it. I've hurdled scarier things before, not the least of which was a linguistic/cultural barrier that reduced me to tears more times in one week than I've ever had in my life before then. I find it telling that I created a survival playlist in October last year--last year, that's such a weird thing to say now. I once heard a quote that said something like "my favorite songs express my emotions better than I ever could," and this playlist exemplifies that right now. It's my state of mind in 25 songs.

I'm trying to remember what Mom tells me every time I get stressed out or panicky: just take it one thing at a time and pretty soon, it's all over and done with. I don't plan on having any resolutions for this year except to remember that. I'm a strong person. I'm smart, I'm resourceful, I'm creative. I have faith in God and in myself. I will do my best with the time I've been given and the gifts that God's blessed me with. There's a reason I'm the way I am right now at this very moment. It's not because of coincidence or chance. The experiences I've had came together to make me the person I am, and I'm not going to let myself give up on that, no matter how hard things get.

"One day I'll be 30, one day I'll be fine. One day I'll make fun of this dramatic life of mine. One day I'll be older, and then I'll write a book about the choices that I made and the chances that I took." Ten years ago, I wondered what it would be like to be 22 years old. I couldn't imagine it. Now I'm here, and 30 isn't that far away. But if I can just remember to take it one day at a time, and give each day my best, maybe it won't be so bad. "I can't be afraid, cause it's my turn to be brave."

Songs played: 29
Tweets sent out: 63